First Love
by attackonhunter
Summary: For Hidekane Week: Day 1: Firsts. Hide loses his first love, only to find him again.


**First Love**

He was his first love. Hide knew ever since they were kids that he held feelings for Kaneki that were far stronger than any other he ever had. He didn't think anything of it, passing it off. Kaneki was his best friend. Of course he would care for him.

It was when Kaneki was going on the date with Rize that he began to doubt that that was all it was. Sure, Kaneki was his best friend, but was it normal that best friends felt so _incredibly_ jealous at the idea of the other going out with someone else? _Kissing_ someone else? Hide didn't think so, but he hid his feelings behind his smile, encouraging Kaneki and his newfound love interest, the whole while wishing it was _he _Kaneki was looking at.

Kaneki tried to conceal his changes after the incident with Rize, but there was no hiding from Hide. Hide knew Kaneki better than he knew anyone else in the world. Any little change, any sign of distress, he noticed it.

The truth was, he suspected Kaneki of being a ghoul long before the incident with Nishio. It explained everything. Kaneki's stress, his inability to eat, his new friends and his pitiful attempts to appear normal. Hide did the best he could, trying to provide some form of normality in Kaneki's life: encouraging him to go to school or to head out and get coffee. He knew Kaneki needed it. He needed to feel human.

Eventually, Kaneki stopped contacting him. He was worried. He was so damn worried. He wished he could do more, he wished he could be strong, but he was nothing compared to ghouls. He had to use his weakness to an advantage.

When he heard a large ghoul talking about Rize, a chill ran down his spine. Fighting every instinct that ran through Hide's head, he trailed the man, planting a small electronic device for the ghoul, Yamori, to step on.

He watched the red dot on his phone, tracking into the eleventh ward and he turned the volume up, so he could hear any sound that came through the listening device, though it was mostly the crunching of gravel under the ghoul's feet.

It was late at night and Hide's eyes were just beginning to droop when he heard the first scream.

He tipped the CCG that night, desperately hoping they would take immediate action. He himself couldn't do anything useful. All he could do was listen and cry silently as he heard horrified screams, chilling laughs and Kaneki counting down by sevens.

By the time the CCG finally invaded Aogiri, Kaneki had been in that room for ten days, and Hide knew he would never be the same.

It wasn't until months later that Hide saw Kaneki again, but he thought of him every day. He thought of his cute smile, soft face, and innocent eyes and how much he would love to see him again. So, when Hide heard Kaneki's favorite author was having a book signing, he went, hoping to see his love after so long.

He did.

And he almost didn't recognize him.

His hair was white, no longer soft, but sticking out coarsely in all directions. His face and his eyes – oh god, his eyes – had hardened into something Hide didn't recognize, and it made the pit of his stomach turn. He wanted to go and say something, but he couldn't work up the nerve to.

The CCG was hard to work at, especially after they had figured out Hide was the one who sent them the tip. He knew they were suspicious of him, but he would be okay, because he was human. He was more worried about Kaneki, and the leads they had on him. He would do anything he could to keep him safe.

It was that night in the sewers that he finally realized how twisted and broken Kaneki had become. He tried to keep calm, speaking lightly and comfortingly, even as Kaneki pulled out his hair, gasping in near incoherent sentences. He didn't scream as his love bit into his shoulder, sending pain springing down his body.

Kaneki had suffered worse pain.

He would do anything.

Anything for Kaneki.

And it still wasn't enough.

Hide drowned in his sadness, staying alive for only one reason. There wasn't a body. If there wasn't a body, Hide couldn't prove Kaneki was dead. And if he couldn't prove it, that meant he could be alive. That hope was the only thing Hide had left and it was worth everything to him.

He almost couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a familiar face smiling at someone he used to work with. Hide's eyes teared. He was afraid if he closed them, the man with white hair and black roots would disappear from in front of him. He watched, as Kaneki in his CCG uniform talked peacefully with Akira.

Hide wouldn't lose him again.


End file.
